Monday, October 6, 2008

Value Essay

The Value of Adventures By: Hannah Spring

Ever wonder how peoples values are so different from your own? In the United States, and all over the world, people have very different values. For some, their values are their religion, some their children, and others their million dollar homes. Americans usually have different values depending on there class. Very rich, first class Americans, or celebrities who get paid millions, usually value there cars, or diamonds, whereas people who live in the lower class, or some who have close to nothing might value there job, children or food.


I lay on the beach as the sun scorches my skin. The sound of waves is heard crashing nearby, along with the yells of people all ages. I straighten out the beach towel and enjoy the time I have left of the week vacation in Rhode Island with my best friends. The suns rays are strong, as we race to the water to cool down. The foam makes us jump, but then is a relaxing feeling. I wade in, as the waves come closer to crashing on me. I dive through an oncoming wave, a second of fear overcoming me, but then rise to the surface. I am at my favorite place, the beach for my annual Rhode Island vacation, with my neighbors for a week.
After we realize we have had enough at the beach for that day, my neighbors and I load up all of the boogie boards, umbrellas, towels, and food. We drive two minutes to the blue beach house on the ocean. We unload the car and make a dash towards the little shower. I wait my time, patiently waiting to rinse all of the sand away, and to finally relax. I later step out of the wooden shower walls and into the house. I climb up the cottages’ narrow spiral staircase to the small upstairs that contains no walls, and 7 small cots. The day is fun and we later walk down the sandy streets to get ice cream. I inhale the aroma of the salt water, hoping that I will never forget the smell. As I walk the streets I realize how hot it can be on an early August night in Rhode Island .
Over the next few days of the somewhat same routine of going to the beach and then coming home, and doing different various activities those nights, sadness starts to come over me, because I soon realize I will be departing the next day. We wake early and pack our bags. I trickily walk down the spiral staircase with two big bags, watching each step. I shove open the door with the bag and load it in the trunk of the green van. Soon everything is out of the blue cottage, and I say goodbye. We get in the van and await a long 2-hour car ride home, with the noises of kids card games and jokes the whole way.

With the key in my hand I start up the powerful engine. I swerve the blue two-seated go-kart out of my driveway and into the field. I press down the pedal and accelerate up the hill. I feel free, as the wind is against me, in the pretty field with no one around I take the wheel with two hands and pull it to a sharp right. I zoom down the fresh cut path, watching carefully for oncoming bunnies or animals that might jump my way. The humming motor reminds me to be in control, but to have a good time. I then pull out of the narrow paths, and race past my house, to see my pond and see if I can see the muskrats that occasionally swim by. I increase the speed with no sighting, and loop back around to my field. I then take a corner to sharp, and pull the reverse gear towards me. The gear shifts, and I slide backwards. I shift it forward into drive again and go back to my joy ride. The blue go-kart, given to my siblings and I is the ultimate source of fun.
After a fun ride, which usually lasts about half an hour, I pull the go-kart around my house. I am careful to stay away from things I could hit, knowing how much trouble I would be in. I take the wheel and drive into the garage, then shut off the motor. I press the red, square, button, and unlatch the seat belt.
With an automatic transmission, two seats, disc brakes, headlights, 35mph speed, and shocks, you can have a fun time with a friend, or at night. I mostly ride in the summer, because the go-kart doesn’t really work that well over deep snow. But my favorite time to ride is in the summer, because of the weather. My dad cuts paths through the field behind my house in the early summer before all of the long grass, bushes, flowers and plants grow in, so my siblings and I can race through them, and play games with the go-kart and our mini dirt bike. I value my go-kart because it gives me an sense of fun and freedom.
I value both my Rhode Island trip and go-kart very much. Although in someway they both cost money, for things like gas to drive to Rhode Island and to drive around in the go-kart, they are both priceless to me because they both provide me with travel, fun, and relaxation. They are also very much alike because I always look forward to both.

Although value may not matter in some peoples lives, its very important to me. Things that I value usually have a big role in my life, and help me. They help me relax through stressful times, or just have fun. I also value them because I am lucky to be able to have a go-kart, and also to be able to go to the beach for a week with my neighbors and stay in a beach cottage. There are also many things that are very important in my life like my family, and friends that mean very much to me. This is why value is very imporant in my life.

8 comments:

Mia said...

Hannah is saying in her essay that she values both equally. I have a feeling that she values the go kart more because she has her freedom and she can ride when she wants. I think that because she described the go kart a little more than she described the beach.
One of the most vivid parts was when she said, "I trickily walk down the spiral staircase with two big bags, watching each step." I really liked this part because I could see clearly her struggling to get the two big bags down the a small spiral stair case. I liked the way that she described it and I think it was cool how she said she trickily went down the stair case. That was a good word to use.
I think that word choice was one of Hannah's strong points. She did a very good job of using good adjectives that appropriately described the scene. One example was "I lay on the beach as the sun scorches my skin." The word scorches was a really good word to use because most people would have used burnt or hot. I think that scorches fits better especially because she used that sentence to start off her scene.
I would just suggest that you re-read the essay to double check there were a few words missing but that was about it. I also think that you should be careful of the run on sentences. Those were the only flaws that i could tell!!
GREAT JOB HANNAHHH!!!

Thomas S. said...

In Hannahs essay I think that she did a very good job. Hannah seems to say in her essay that people from arond the country value different things. It could be a child, money, cars and other things. If I had to pick what Hannah valued more I would have to say her time in Rhode Island. This is because she only goes to the beach for a week every year so because her time is limited there and she has unlimited time in her go-kart she might value her time at the beach more.
The object or value that I thought was most vividly described was her go-kart. I thought this when she said "I feel free, as the wind is against me, in the pretty field with no one around I take the wheel with two hands and pull it to a sharp right." I thought this part was vividly described because it was very creative and I could actually see the action taking place. It was a good decision to incorporate how she felt about what she was doing in her story.
In Hannah's essay I think that her introduction and conclusion were extremely good. I think this because it had godd questions that wanted me to keep reding for the into=roduction. For the conclusion it is also very good because it raps up everything she talked about in a paragraph that isnt so long that it gets boring after a while.
I think that you need to re-read your essay or have somebody else read it because there were somesimple errors that could easily be fixed. Other than that your essay was very good.

Julia said...

After reading Hannah's essay, it is clear that she values both her trip to Rhode Island and her Go-Kart. In her essay Hannah talks about how different classes of people value different things, and I deffinately agree with her. Many people value different things for different reasons, which I think Hannah was trying to say in her essay.
I believe that Hannah described her Go-Kart very well. The way she described it being so much fun, made we want to go and buy one. One of my favorite lines was,"I zoom down the fresh cut path, watching carefully for oncoming bunnies or animals that might jump my way." I thought this was both funny and descriptive. I also like the fact that her dad cuts paths in the fields for her and her siblings.
In general, Hannah has many strengths in her writing. She has very good diction and sentence structure. I think that her Introduction could grab any reader's attention, because I know it certainly caught my attention.
One piece of advice I would give Hannah is to make sure you proof read your work, because there were just some simple spelling and grammatical errors, which can easily be fixed. But other than that, Awesome Job!

Allie B said...

The author seems to be saying that what is valuable in someone’s life may differ depending on what class you are ranked in. The author also says that physical objects may be just as valuable as a memory or person. The author, Hannah, strongly values her trips to Rhode Island in the summer with her neighbors and her go-cart because they both mean something to her. She is saying that both of these are valuable in her life and she enjoys them.
The trip to Rhode Island was described better because you could really get a feel of how much she values it. The author describes the normal day on this vacation and I feel like I am actually there with her. She uses description that really stimulates all of your senses. For example, the author says, “The day is fun and we later walk down the sandy streets to get ice cream. I inhale the aroma of the salt water, hoping that I will never forget the smell. As I walk the streets I realize how hot it can be on an early August night in Rhode Island .” This helps me get a feel of what Rhode Island is like, plus it stimulates almost all my senses.
Overall, one of this essays strengths was the organization of the essay. She organized the paragraphs so they flow from one to another and so there isn’t one huge paragraph. Also, she uses spaces that show where she is starting a new topic or idea. This helps me to follow along with the story and not be confused with the writing organization.
When going to revise your essay, I would suggest using more descriptive words to describe each of your items. Since not many people know the experience you have when traveling to Rhode Island, they don’t know really get a good understanding of what it is truly like.
Great Job Hannah!!

abbbbbey said...

In hannah's essay, it shows that she really enjoys being at Rhode Island where theres a beach and where she hangs out with her best friends. Also you can tell Hannah values her go-kart because she says she "feels free" whenever shes on it.
One object i think she described very well was her go-kart. Thats because when she said "With the key in my hand I start up the powerful engine. I swerve the blue two-seated go-kart out of my driveway and into the field. I press down the pedal and accelerate up the hill." I can see hannah putting the key in and her flying in her go-kart up and down her street with the wind in her hair.
I think her overall strength is her writing style becuase she describes rhode island very well, by saying how she sets up to get ready by pilling everything up in the car. She also described her go-kart very well. The way she says the wind in her hair and her going up and down the field with no one around.
The advice i would give hannah is to go back and re-read your value essay to make sure your not missing anything.Otherwise your essay has strong use of words and is very well written!

Alicia said...

Hannah, I really enjoyed reading about your values and how much they mean to you. I think you value both pretty equally, maybe the go-kart a little but more though.
You vividly described when you ride the go-kart how much freedom and fun you get to experience shift it forward again and go back to my joy ride. The blue go-kart, given to my siblings and I is the ultimate source of fun." When you say this I can clearly see how much you enjoy riding your go-kart and having fun.
I think you did a great job of using descriptive and unique words, such as, trickily. They really made her essay enjoyable to read and it made it unique.
I think you did a very good job of describing your trip to Rhode Island. I could clearly tell it was extremly important to you and it was also a very enjoyable and fun time for you. Although you did describe it very well I also thought you did a great job of describing your go-kart too.
The only thing I might suggest is to check for spelling and grammar mistakes, although there were very few mistakes, its always better without them. Great job Hannah!!

nicole said...

In Hannah's essay i think she is trying to say that people can value anything. She is also explaining how much she values her trip to the beach every year and riding her go-kart. I think she values the beach more because she only goes there for a week every year.

One of the most vivid parts was when she was talking about riding her go-kart. She explained very clearly. I almost felt like I was there. I definitely got out of this how much you enjoy being free and having fun with your go-kart.

Hannah's choice of words and descriptive adjectives were one of her strengths. I think she did a great job throughout the story. For example when she was talking about being free in her go-kart and the sun scorching her skin.

A suggestion would just be to maybe go into a little more depth and proof read a little more. These errors didn't really distract me but just for future reference. Great job Hannah!

Megan! said...

1. In the first paragraph, Hannah is talking about how different people value different things. Like on family may value family time, when another family may value buying things for eachother.
2. I thought Hannah had very descriptive description on everything! I could see her whole essay going on in my head, and i thought it was very good. I especially liked when she added little details like the muskrats swimming and little things like that.
3. I thought that Hannah's overall strength was description. Her description was at 100% and was very very good. I could see everything she was saying and I could even feel the same emotions at her at some points.
4. I didn't see much room for mistakes in Hannah's essay, so I think the only thing I can say to her is awesome essay! :)